Adopters Blog
Hello, my name is Andy, and my wife and
I feel fortunate to be an Adoptive parent with the help of CCS.
Like many others, I have found adopting through
CCS a very positive experience. The idea of this blog is to
encourage possible adopters to get in contact, and help by talking
about our experiences and answering questions you may have.
We’d also welcome JAGGIE and her team
from CCS chipping in whenever possible.
We’re just starting off
with this, so bear with us, we will update and alter the blog, and
possibly split into different strands if need be.
If there is any info you’d
like to see here or on the CCS website, please let us know.
We really need your comments
and question to make this work, so you are welcome to contribute.
If you want to add a comment or ask a question,
e-mail
andy@ccsadoption.org
Please mark each message
CONFIDENTIAL or FOR PUBLICATION.
We recommend you choose a NICK-NAME to
protect your privacy, so make sure you clearly mark this on every
message.
I think we’re supposed to have HOUSE RULES
here – common sense suggests we are careful, thoughtful and
non-discriminatory. Take care not to compromise anyone’s
confidentiality, including you and your family. However without a
little humour and fun, we wouldn’t be here, so that’s fine, within
reason !
All comments and questions will be screened
before posting, so there may be a little delay.
December 2009
Christmas can be an emotional time for any of
us, and for some adoptive children, it brings back memories of past
experiences.
For our family, it’s a happy time and the
children all look forward to it. Our “new” family has its own
Christmas traditions that happen every year.
So this weekend, we went to buy our Christmas
tree at the local shop, carried it home and decorated it. I do the
carrying, my wife does the lights and decorations whilst I
physically and emotionally recover from the effort. Sometimes, we
wear tinsel and silly hats to the shop, this year we forgot –
whoops.
So closer to Christmas, we’ll be shutting out
the cold, exchanging presents, debating the washing up and having a
lovely time, just like any family.
November
2009
Sorry, nothing happened in November ! If I
remember anything, I’ll add it later.
October
2009
Once again, well done to all
our triathletes who took part in the Warwickshire Triathlon
in Stratford-on-Avon. This time I chickened out, claiming training
disruption (or just too many cakes ?). More events completed and
money raised – smashing.
September
2009
Back to school, and strangely for me, I decided
to make some back to school resolutions. This included reading all
the school notes and newsletters. No chance.
All went awry when our son reacted to a mystery
bug and spent a week in the Bristol Children’s Hospital.
Thankfully, he recovered and has had no problems since, but I think
we’re lucky to have such a great facility nearby. I believe it
covers the whole CCS region and beyond. Sadly, many children in the
hospital are more seriously ill for much longer.
As always there was a silver lining: I stayed
in the hospital with my son, and this was a great bonding time. He
was also happy as he had Playstations and games rooms on tap, and
got to beat his parents at Star Wars Monopoly on a regular basis.
August
2009
August to this family usually means two things:
Firstly camping ! We always plan to go
camping many times during the year, but only manage to go two or
three times.
I tend to take the three kids, and we have a
favourite camp site down near Glastonbury. However this time, we
headed for a farm-based site on the hills over-looking Ilfracombe.
After two days’ of stressed packing, amazingly,
the kids still wanted to share a tent with me ! Like many kids,
they really enjoy the simple experiences like this. Our little one
has been camping with us since she was about two, and bounces around
the tent. Thankfully, she then goes to sleep. These shared
experiences and happy memories really help build the family bonds.
Next time we’ll choose a camping pitch nearer the bathrooms!
The other thing for us and others is the
Malmesbury Triathlon. We had lots of people taking part and
getting sponsored for CCS. Well done to everyone.
July
2009
Both adults and children take part in the first
Bristol Triathlon Festival and raise money for CCS. What a
lovely time – such a great “family” atmosphere for a good cause.
Well done all.
Friday
15th May
Adopter Mel commented Our experience at matching panel
was initially very daunting, there was a huge room full of complete
strangers. Our social worker took the main part of the panels
questions, but as you would expect some were directed at us.
However, after being looked at with x-ray goggles by a panel of
experts we were finally approved to adopt our 3 bundles of joy (no
they weren't babies, they just can be bundles of joy!).
The best part was being
told by the Chair of the panel in a private room that we had been
successful. It was very emotional and he was absolutely fabulous in
making us feel like a very special couple who were really suited to
raise and love these children. I think his words were "you
especially will help these children blossom"
He talked about our love
helping these children, and it will always stay with me how in a
meeting room in some Social services somewhere we were matched with
our children who were perfect for us, and who we were perfect for,
in a very loving way.
Wednesday 13th
May
Andy commented
We’ll get more
adopters involved ASAP, but I thought I could kick off by offering
some comments about adopting with CCS in general, and some of the
feedback from the Channel 4
programmes.
I’m sorry if these
comments seem overly upbeat about CCS, but this is really the way I
feel as an adopter about what they do. I think it’s important to
highlight the differences between the programmes and what CCS has to
offer.
The three programmes I have seen are, I think
well made, but understandably some things don’t come across well, or
are there to give the programme journalistic structure.
Our experience,
and those of our friends who have adopted through CCS were far
more positive and less daunting than much of what we saw.
Firstly, some of these experiments, including child actors (!) were
there for good TV. Don’t worry, these surprises are not normal, and
definitely not part of a CCS assessment process !
Ready and Waiting.
Some of the programmes and accompanying material show that there is
often a long wait to start assessment. With CCS, there is no
waiting list, and if agreed, you can start assessment without
delay. You go at your own speed, and if you need time to
think or help to resolve things, that’s fine.
Adopter Charlie:
“Having been
approved for adoption, we needed to do some work on our house – we
actually had to move out ! So we did this, moved back in, and a
little later that year we were matched with our children.
Pioneering methods ?
Some of the
methods used in the programme were encouraging, but in reality, CCS
has been ahead of the game with these things for some time. People
are well-prepared in terms of expectations of who they might adopt,
and when the time comes, the best possible match between
parent and child is found.
I for one found the whole assessment and
panel process a positive one. We have now known Caroline,
our adoption support worker, who assessed us, for at least
ten years (of which more at another time). She is fantastic, and
guided us calmly through everything.
We were well prepared for adoption, and the
discussions we had with Caroline were not in any way over-bearing.
It was strange reading our Adopter Info Forms – in many ways
they said positive things that you wouldn’t out of modesty say about
yourself ! Anything we weren’t happy with - usually because a
small factual detail slipped through – was immediately corrected –
no problem.
Our Adoption Panel wasn’t at all scary.
I think the rule of thumb in CCS is that you do not go to panel if
there are serious doubts over your suitability as adopters. These
are raised, and very often resolved, well before-hand. We found the
panel an affirming process.
We didn’t go to our Matching Panel, so
we can’t comment on this – any comments anyone ? Overall CCS
manage the Assessment Process really well, and there is
always someone on hand to talk to about your concerns.
Last chance ?
More than once, it was
mentioned in the programmes that the potential adopters were on
their “last chance” to be parents.
This isn’t always true.
I am aware that CCS is happy to talk to
adopters who have been turned away from other agencies or
local authorities. There are sometimes legitimate reasons for this,
of which more at another time. For example, sometimes adopters have
been told that they are too old but there are no blanket
bans and no pre-set upper age limit. Other reasons are
sometimes given, and of course CCS have to make an overall
assessment. However I have seen people turned away elsewhere that
have gone on to be fantastic, happy, brilliant parents with CCS.
It was also mentioned at approval panel
that this was the candidate’s last chance. Once again, not
necessarily so. It may be that you are given more time, or helped
to address any issues that have stopped you being approved.
The Children.
I was intrigued
by the meeting where video was shown of children the local authority
was finding hard to place. This is no doubt a worthwhile exercise.
There are of course many factors to consider, but with a voluntary
agency like CCS, it is in theory possible to be matched with
children across the U.K. You are not limited to the children in
your area. This helps CCS find the best possible match for
you and the children.
I know much is made of the issues that many
of the children have. More of this at another time, but suffice
to say that of course this is very important, and adopters should be
prepared for anything they need to handle. I can recall many
adopters who have taken on children with real issues. However their
parents would tell you they are happy, loving and rewarding
children to parent. This needs much
more discussion – any comments ?
Trust and Fairness.
Everything at CCS is done in a trustworthy, fair way. We have
always felt very comfortable working with them. Whilst they are
careful to assess you, I feel they are often a much-needed
advocate for you and your family.
Long Term.
CCS don’t disappear the moment a child is placed or legally
adopted. They are there in the future, weeks, months, and commonly
years after child placement.
CCS is different.
Are these the
comments you’d normally expect about an organisation in the care
system ? Well that’s because CCS is refreshingly different in the
way it helps children and families. Adopters often say that CCS and
the families they create are a kind of huge family. Many people
have a happy, loving, stable family, thanks to CCS.
What do you think ? We
welcome your comments or questions.
Please e-mail
andy@ccsadoption.org . Thankyou.
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