A couple share their experience of adopting a child with additional needs.

What brought you to adoption, and when did you decide to adopt?

We made the decision to adopt in 2019. We had some awareness that conceiving might be difficult for us, so we began exploring all the different ways we might be able to start a family. When we came across adoption and started looking into it properly, something just clicked. It felt like we had found the right path for us. By early 2022, we had settled on CCS and had started the process.

Why did you choose CCS Adoption?

We initially went to our local authority, but didn’t feel like it was the right fit after the information event. We asked local adoption groups about their recommendations, and had heard such positive things about CCS Adoption. We knew we wanted to work with an agency that specialised in placing children who might be considered harder to place. We also wanted to be supported throughout the entire journey, not just during the matching and placement stages, but well into post-adoption too. CCS felt like the right fit on every level.

How did you find the assessment process and training?

The training was incredibly thorough and really eye-opening. We learned so much in those sessions. Honestly, we feel like everyone should experience Jane’s training before starting a family.
The assessment process itself was intense and very emotional. It was far from easy, and the amount of paperwork was a lot, but we genuinely appreciated the process. It was thoughtfully paced and really encouraged us to reflect on what we wanted, who we were as individuals and as a couple, and what kind of parents we hoped to be. We also learned so much about each other and feel it really strengthened our marriage.

Can you remember hearing about and meeting your child for the first time?

Yes, very clearly. Just before our approval, we were shown some practice profiles as part of the family finding training. The next day, our social worker sent us another profile to look at and asked for our thoughts. I remember saying, “I am devastated that this is not a real profile because he is amazing.” That is when she told us that the profile was, in fact, real. She had just received it and had immediately thought of us.
Although we were not approved adopters at that point, she offered to speak to his social worker, while reminding us to continue with our process as normal. A few months later, we were approved and went straight back to Link Maker. We found his profile again and expressed interest. Our social worker had already been speaking to his social worker behind the scenes, so no one was surprised.
We also looked into a few other profiles and spoke with several social workers, but we kept coming back to him. Soon after, we were invited to an activity day where we had the chance to meet him. He was absolutely brilliant. We spoke to his family finder that day and shared how strongly we felt about the match. We withdrew from all other conversations and focused entirely on him. A couple of months later, we were officially linked and began the transition.

How did you know you could support a child with additional needs?

In truth, we were not entirely sure at the beginning. We had some relevant experience and felt like we might be able to, but we were also nervous. We had never supported a non-verbal child before, and even though we had started a Makaton course, we still had doubts.
We decided that preparation would be our strongest foundation. We researched all the local special educational needs services in our area, enrolled in parenting courses tailored to children with additional needs, and signed up for a subscription to Widgit, which has been a complete game-changer when it comes to communicating using pictures.
We added all of that to the experience we already had and slowly began to realise that we could do this. We also had open and honest conversations with our social workers, who helped us find additional resources and reassured us along the way.
At the heart of it, we knew we wanted to be his parents. So we did the work. By the time we reached our linking meeting and matching panel, we were confident in our ability to support him. The more you get to know your child, the more you become an expert in them.
Once he was settled, everything started falling into place. He is now communicating using both words and communication boards, he is using the toilet (something he did not do before), his diet is expanding, and he has developed a genuine love of learning.
We know that most of that progress is a reflection of the incredible little person he is, but it is also because we took the time to teach ourselves how to teach him. We have become his biggest advocates.
That is not to say it is always easy. There are still tough moments. Tunnel slides, for example, are his favourite thing, and he sometimes decides they belong entirely to him. Disregulation can be really difficult, but we have learnt not to take it personally. We co-regulate with him and help him through those moments because we understand that he is overwhelmed and needs us to meet him where he is.

What were the early days like?

They were magical. Of course, there were some difficult moments too. It was a huge shift for all of us. Our little one has additional needs and is non-verbal, so his understanding of what was happening was understandably complex.
We stuck to a clear routine in the early days, which really helped. We spent a lot of time outdoors, either in the garden or exploring nearby woods. As a couple, we also had to learn what parenting looked like for us. We started doing short debriefs each evening to make sure we were aligned in how we were approaching things. That became essential for us and really helped to prevent conflict.

Can you tell us a bit about your child?

He is the most wonderful and joyful person you could ever meet. He had been described as a child who might be harder to place, especially due to his communication needs, yet he is one of the most open and expressive people we have ever known. You can read every thought on his face.
Once he had settled, we introduced communication boards, and they made a huge difference. It helped him feel truly heard, and that was life-changing for all of us. He is quite simply the best of us, and we feel incredibly lucky to be his parents.

Has anything surprised you along the way?

Yes, we were surprised by how quickly we loved him. We had prepared ourselves for the possibility that it might take time to bond, which is something we know is perfectly normal and very valid. But in our case, the love came almost instantly. We both fell for him right away.

Does your child have contact with their birth family, and how has that been?

Yes, he has contact with birth siblings. Those times can be emotionally complex for him, but he always leaves with a big smile. We take lots of photos and create happy memories together. We hope that, as they grow older, those relationships will help them support one another in understanding their shared story.

What is family life like now?

It is wonderful. Our day-to-day routines have changed, of course. Weekends used to involve binge-watching series, and now they are filled with outdoor adventures, muddy walks and lots of laughter. We have found new rhythms in work and home life, and we would not change them for anything.

What have been the best and hardest parts of adoption for you?

The hardest part is knowing the pain our child has experienced. As beautiful and loving as our family is, it began with loss, and that is something we take very seriously. We work through that with him, and always will.

The best part is the everyday magic. Just today, he picked up my drink and said, “I want a water bottle, please.” When he came to us, he spoke only a few words and ate just a handful of food. Watching him grow and flourish has been the greatest joy of our lives. He is such a bright, funny and cheeky little boy, and he lights up every room he walks into.

How have friends and family been part of your journey?

They have been amazing. The friends and family training made a big difference in helping them understand what we were going through and how best to support us.
Our son finds it hard to trust new people, so babysitters are not an option right now. But he absolutely adores his grandparents, and they are more than happy to look after him after bedtime, so we can have the occasional night out. That kind of support has meant everything.

What advice would you give to someone thinking about adoption?

Make time for yourself. Right from the start of the process, we made a point of scheduling in little moments for self-care, whether it was a meal out, time with friends or just a quiet night in. Life only gets busier once your child arrives, so having that time already built in really helped. Take care of yourselves. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

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