Dawn and Phil adopted 4 children with additional needs.

To start with, let me introduce myself.

I’m Dawn, and along with my husband Phil, we have adopted 4 children over the last 17 years. We have two boys, Samuel, 18 and Daniel, 15 and two girls, Holly, 11 and Sophie, 7 (children’s names have been changed). All our children have a range of different needs, which I will get into later. We were always open to adopting children with additional needs because, to us, no matter what needs a child has, they ultimately want and need a loving, supportive family, which we felt we could give in abundance. We were aware of most of their needs (with a few curveballs thrown in, which I’ll explain later) when we adopted them, which helped us to prepare for their arrival.

I’m not going to lie, it hasn’t always been easy, but parenting isn’t always easy. Many people we speak to say we are amazing for adopting 4 children with additional needs. Others think we are a bit crazy (not far from the truth), but to us, we are parents of 4 amazing children, who teach us so much each day, who light up a room with their smiles when they walk in, who test the boundaries, who leave their toys in odd places, who cover the walls in sticky finger marks and who laugh so hard, they make you want to laugh with them. Here is the story of our amazing special family.

Me and my husband, Phil, decided to adopt about 18 years ago. We had both always wanted to have a family, even way before we met. We married in 2004, and like many couples, our thoughts turned to starting a family. After two years, it became apparent that we were unable to conceive naturally. It was a very difficult time, but it didn’t stop us from pursuing our dream of a family.

We both had a history of working with children in both mainstream and specialist environments, so we’re very used to being around children and supporting their development in all areas. After many discussions, we decided that we wanted to start the process of adoption. And so our adoption journey began.

The first to come along was Samuel. He was two years old when we first met him. The first thing I noticed about him was his big, beautiful, blue eyes and his winning smile. He immediately got the photo book we had sent to him and brought it to me on the page of my photo. We then spent the time we had together, playing, reading and having lots of cuddles.

Samuel

Samuel moved in with us in December 2008, and we got on with family life. He was a very active child, and we quickly realised that his development was behind many of his peers. He had only a few words, found it challenging to interact appropriately with his peers, became anxious in crowds and around new people and needed a lot of support to develop appropriate behaviours. We quickly put appropriate strategies in place, and along with the nursery he was attending, involved outside agencies, to put in place a statement of SEN. Samuel then began going to a specialist school, which he attends to this day. He is now in his final year of Post 16. His communication has developed amazingly well. He uses MAKATON, gestures and a VOCA (pictures on an iPad) to make his needs and wants known. He loves to collect car keys and match them to cars he sees out and about. He also loves to pretend to pause people with his keys as a joke. He has a wicked sense of humour and a laugh as big as Sid James. He has grown into a caring and helpful young man, and we are now beginning to take on a new journey of going into supported living. He will also be starting college in September 2026. He does need a lot of adult input for his care needs and for his mental health and well-being.

Daniel

Two years later, we were told that Samuel’s birth parents had a sibling. Daniel is Samuel’s full sibling, and after a bit of a lengthy process, Daniel came to live with us aged 11 months. The first thing I remember saying when I first saw him was how much he looked like his brother. Again, those piercing blue eyes and magical smile shone through. It was apparent from the first meeting that Daniel, too, had some challenges; however, which this would be not yet known. Again, we went through the process of involvement from outside agencies, put in relevant strategies and started the statementing process. At 18 months old, Daniel suffered a severe seizure, and he had many investigations. Over the next year, he suffered 3 more seizures, which led to the conclusion that he had epilepsy. However, after a few years of medication, he has suffered no more seizures. Like his brother, he has no speech but does communicate with Makaton through pictures and gestures. He has hypermobility and severe learning needs and attends the same school as his brother.

Daniel is now 15 years old and has started year 11 in the same specialist school he started in aged 3. He was recently diagnosed with a genetic disorder, which explains a lot of his needs. He has not developed speech, but like his brother, he does have a good sense of humour and just loves people. He loves technology and will show people what’s up on his phone. He also uses a VoCA to communicate with pictures. He is very laid back and gets on with everyone. He has some sensory needs as well as learning disabilities; however, he does not let it stop him from communicating with others. Sometimes he likes to sit back and take in his surroundings, and he does not like rejection.

Holly

About 2 years later, we decided that we wanted to welcome another child into our family. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen as we had planned it, and we were unsuccessful in our application. But being as determined as we are did not stop us. We joined CCS, and they were extremely supportive. 3 years after we first explored the possibility of welcoming a 3^rd child, that dream became a reality. Holly came to us in January 2017. She was a very active, sociable little girl, with a beautiful smile and a happy disposition. Holly had cerebral palsy and previously had a brain tumour, which was successfully removed. Her speech was a little delayed; however, she more than makes up for that now. She settled well, then in November 2017, after being poorly for about two months and many a trip to the hospital, we were given the devastating news that she had a cancerous tumour that had spread from her kidney, up her IVC and into her heart. She quickly got transferred to intensive care and was in a coma for three weeks. She was transferred to Great Ormond Street and remained between two hospitals for 5 months. It broke our hearts seeing our little girl go through so much pain and suffering, but we stayed by her side, and she was amazing through everything she went through, from feeding tubes, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, to a big operation where we were uncertain if she would survive. But Holly is a fighter and fought as she did. The tumour was successfully removed, and she made a full recovery. Holly is an inspiration; she has been through so much, but with help and support from various people and hospitals, we got through it as a family.

Holly is now 11 years old, and I’m extremely pleased to say she continues to progress well, and she has now started at a mainstream secondary school. She had to have an operation on her legs after chemo ended, so she could walk again. She continues to wear splints for balance and coordination, but nothing stops her. She was part of the football team at her primary school and loved to take part in PE and sports. She has pure determination in all she does, and at the end of her primary school year, she received an award for positive attitude in sports. She also sang a solo at her school performance, where there was not a dry eye in the house. Her confidence just blossomed over the years.

Due to her trauma over the years, as with all our children, it can be challenging at times with regard to managing emotions, particularly now that hormones have kicked in, but generally, she is a chatty, happy girl who is caring and helpful.

Sophie

Then, in July 2018, we were informed that Holly had a half-sister. I won’t go into the challenges that followed, but two years later, in June 2020, after we fought very hard, Sophie joined our family and was reunited with her sister at last. Sophie was born with a cleft palate, which was successfully repaired. She has delayed speech, but since joining us, she has learnt some Makaton and developed some words and lots of sounds. She is a very happy little girl who loves cuddles, dancing and getting up to mischief with Daniel.

Sophie is now 7 years old and has developed into a confident and very chatty young lady. She LOVES dancing and being very active. She has developed a wide range of vocabulary, and she could chat the hind legs off a donkey. She loves people generally and will stop to speak to anyone and everyone. We have had to support her with strategies and boundaries when out and about due to this, as initially, she hugged everyone. We have developed high fives for people she doesn’t know well and hugging only those closest to her. She is developing at her own pace, but she is a well-loved and likeable character.

Challenges

Parenting four children, all with a variety of needs, has had its challenges, but just seeing how happy they are, the smiles on their faces, the determination from them all despite what they have been through, the love they give, the kindness, the affection, that far outweighs the challenges. Our love for them is unconditional, and we are so happy that we fought for our amazing family.

One thing that I have learnt from our journey is that you can never predict what is going to happen. There will be great times, there will be challenging times, there will be times you feel so happy and proud, and times that you feel you want to run and hide (but that never works because they always find you), but I can say with hand on heart, I wouldn’t change a thing. My kids are my kids, and they are amazing.

5 years on from this original story, and I can still say I wouldn’t change it for the world. We have had more challenges over the past few years, but we have faced them head-on as a family. I always say, “We don’t face problems or issues, we face challenges”. The definition of a problem is “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome”. Whereas the definition of a challenge is “a call to someone to participate in a competitive situation or fight to decide who is superior in terms of ability or strength”.

So, my advice going into adoption is to enjoy every step of your journey, and when times are difficult, face challenges head-on, together as a family.

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